Last night I signed into your IG Live thinking it was a makeup tutorial. I could not believe what I was seeing instead.
While my immediate thoughts were about how the hell I could reach you to make you stop, I found myself nodding along as you spoke.
I’ve been there. I had an “altercation” before. I found half naked pictures on my ex’s phone, of a girl he claimed was “a big forehead nobody” that I was crazy for accusing him of being with. I know too well the rush of adrenaline and boiling blood you described. I know how it is to see red and to feed into that animal instinct to pound on someone. I made a fool of myself, lunging at him and beating my fists into his head; a scene that played out in front of my mother’s house. And just like you, in an out-of-body experience, I watched myself and wondered who the hell I was.
There is nothing more hurtful than being lied to by people we love. Lies are the ultimate betrayal. No matter how much people try to comfort you by bashing him, nothing can ever fill that sick gut feeling of envisioning the reality you were deceived of knowing. It can make you lose yourself, as you experienced.
Thank God that IG Live was not around back when I had my own episode, because I may have done some venting myself. (Mind you, only like 12 people might be sitting in with popcorn for mine)
All you want is revenge. All you want is to embarrass the people who embarrassed you. I get it.But this is what my father told me when he extracted me from my own situation that ugly day 10 years ago.
“You have no right to put your hands on anyone. Nobody owes you anything. You do not own anyone’s actions or feelings”.
Then, I was appalled by his words. It seemed he was siding with this monster who humiliated me, and who drove me to become a monster too. But in retrospect, he was right. I will forever be ashamed of what I did.
People would cheer you on, encouraging you to rip into the girl or the guy, that being the major debate- Who deserves the licks? But tune them out. As you said repeatedly, your mother raised you with class. Even though it totally rides against your carnal instinct, just walk away. Leave them. Keep the truth to yourself and forget about what everyone is saying about you. You can’t mop up word vomit.
There are so many domestic crimes plaguing our society, rooted in possessiveness and jealously. We do not own anyone. We are free to love and live as we please. Having and showing respect to others is a choice. The best you can do is to surround yourself with people who offer compassion and kindness, and to aspire to be like them.
To all the girls who’ve been horned and who want revenge, the best revenge is simply to be the better woman. Sounds passive. Sounds cliché. But it’s what those who have lived it keep saying to us, but we’re too excited by the drama to listen.
Best put by a friend of mine :
Take your Horn, and Move On